I can drive whatever car I want.
Make whatever I want, fuck the pickyness.
I will KNOW about my finances, allowing me to make smarter financial decisions.
Will never be trapped in my house again. (No car, internet, phone, house phone, etc.)
Go to bed whenever I want.
Eat where and whatever I want.
I will be good enough.
Make my own decisions for ME.
Decorate however I want.
Watch whatever I want.
Get out of bed whenever I want.
Listen to whatever music I want to.
Talk to whoever I want to, not have to worry about being embarrased.
I can go out or stay in, which ever makes me happy.
LIVE wherever I want.
Ope my Bakery.
Have whatever pets I want.
ALONE TIME/Time for ME and only ME.
I can put myself first for once.


More as I think of it.

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<b><u>~*Basics*~</u></b>
<b>Name:</b> Tara
<b>Age:</b> 21
<b>Location:</b> NJ, unfortunately!
<b>Gender:</b> Female
<b>Sexual Orientation:</b> Straight, thought I've done things with girls, and would do it again.
<b>Where did you hear about us from?</b> <small>If at all possible, which member?</small> MARY! <3

<b><u>~*Getting To Know You*~</u></b>
<i><small>List three or more for the following:</i></small>
<b>Favorite Movies</b> Wizard of Oz, Life of David Gail, and Gran Torino
<b>Favorite Books?</b> Oh god, I read so much and use Paperbackswap.com like it's no one's business. I'd have to say Lucky, She's Come Undone, and Kissing Door Knobs

<b>What are you pet peeves?</b> NOISE, I HATE noise. I know, it's horrible. People chewing with their mouths open, and LIARS ugh. I hate when people lie. ALSO, the you're/your and their/there/they're. If you are old enough to be on a computer you should know the difference!
<b>In 5 sentences describe yourself.</b> I am honest, caring and though cliche, I can be an amazing friend and person to you, or you hate me.

<b><u>~*Opinions*~</u></b>
Please choose <b><u>two</u></b>
<i><small>More than just a few words, please!</i></small>
<b>Abortion?</b> I'm pro-choice, but I'd never personally however have an abortion. However, I don't think I can decide what YOU or anyone else does with their body!
<b>Animal Rights?</b> Um. I'm totally for Animal rights, totally against PETA.
<b>Online Drama?</b> Totally entertaining, but really not worth my time or effort! I'll read it though for the LULZ.
<b>Gay Marriages</b> 110% pro for this. I'm going to my Sister in Law's engagment party on Saturday and she's a lesbian :)
<b>Your opinion on anything you feel strongly about.</b> Teen Pregnancy is a hot topic for me because I was 16 when I got pregnant, and believe that people should be judged on their parenting, not on their age.

<b><u>~*More Info*~</u></b>
<b>What's the sweetest/nicest thing you've done?</b> I try to do at least 3 good deeds per day, and while I don't always get three, I always do at least one thing for someone. My friend couldn't afford to go to AC so I paid for her entire trip. Room, food, gambling, everything.
<b>Why do you deserve to be here?</b> This seems like a nice community, and I'd honestly do anything for anyone! 
<b>Make us laugh, we love to laugh!</b>  LOL my husband just sent me this, I love this joke: There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."


<b><u>~*Promotion and Pictures*~</u></b>
<b>Please promote us on your user info page</b> Done.
<b>Promote on one of your personal journal entries</b>



<b>Pictures of you! Atleast three.</b>
<img src="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs041.snc3/12861_168839059094_672119094_2703947_7553139_n.jpg"/>
<img src="http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs061.snc3/12861_168839104094_672119094_2703955_5896819_n.jpg"/>
<img src="http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs277.snc1/10425_1169915606048_1172726582_30531451_6519106_n.jpg"/>
<small><b>You must post a salute, this is just to keep drama down, and make sure you're real!</small</b>



<b>Which picture would you like us to use on the Member's page?</b> Umm I haven't taken any of JUST me in a longggg time, so I'll take one later after I shower/hair/makeup, etc. :) 
</lj-cut>

I don't know really what to update about because things have just been going slowly. The main thing that is going on right now is that I want a divorce. No, really. I just don't feel like I'm in love with Tim anymore. But I've been looking at houses at the same time haha.

I really want to move south. I HATE NJ. Hate it here. I love VA, I'm interested in SC, NC, and the middle states too. I just need to get out of here. I feel like Nicole is the only friend I'd miss here. (Besides family)

UGH, more later. Sally shit AGAIN. IDK what to do with this dog, I literally just walked her. Less than 3 minutes ago.

I went shopping ALL DAY TODAY, and I'm so tired. We got a TV for the kitchen and a surround system from Walmart for $80 down from $200 because it was a display model. We spend like $600 today on shit we didn't need. And I'm going shopping tomorrow.



I don't even want to anymore haha.

More updates tomorrow.

Tim was sent home early today because of the rain, which was nice, but he called me asking me if he could go to AC with his dad.
WTF NO, I HATE YOUR DAD.

But then! The day turned really nice. He came home, I worked out and he told me he was so proud of me like 110x which was really nice. We went to Walmart and the Mall, he really wanted to buy me a TV for the kitchen but IDK if I want to spend the $200 or put it into the savings account. Hopefully we will be able to put $800 in there this month bringing the total up to $2400.

We went to the mall, I got another Iphone and Tim is like obsessive with scratches so I decided to give him my brand new one and take his old one because I could give a shit less about scratches. They are the same phone but he got the new one covered with some protective shit so you can't scratch it. I honestly don't give a shit about scratches and I'd rather spend the $40 otherwise. It's guarenteed for life though, so it's not a huge deal. Tim also bought me an adorable Owl from Build A Bear <3

I got a text message from a random ass Connecticut phone number with a video of Tim saying "Hey Tara, wanna do lunch?" after we had this huge fight, and then a screen cap of a message of one of his customers that I have been asking about. So I called the number and it's a girl. So naturally, I flip the fuck out. HOWEVER, I went online through our Cingluar account and he has never, ever called this number, texted it or anything so aparently it was just a general mix up. No idea how this happened.

SANDY fucking texts me today to ask me if I had to pay for my CostCo card the day I applied for it. WHAT?! You don't apply for a fucking CostCo card, you just BUY IT. So I explained this to her, and she's like OH NO I HAVE NO MONEY TO PAY FOR IT, AND I REALLY NEED TO GO, CAN WE PLEASE GO TOMORROW? This bitch hasn't texted me ALL FUCKING WEEK, OK? ALL FUCKING WEEK. She just bought a $700 dog that I drove 3 hours ONE WAY to go get with her, (no gas $$) and bought the TV I want for my kitchen ($200) when she already had one. 

I think Tim and I are going to have issues with money. I really, really want to save as much as we can so we can move and he can start his business, but he wants to spend. It's always more more more which makes me want more more more. IDK what to do. I feel like shit and my stomach is killing me, so I'm gonna do lay down. :)

PS- I want more friends on here. I only read Mary, Jenn, Fawn, and Monica's journal at this point and I want more, so reccomend me some peeps, peeps.

UGH MORE NEIGHBOR HATE. I was just doing laundry and the bitch (mother in law) stops me and goes
"Um I needa talk to about da noize las nyte" so I asked her what's up. She then proceeds to go off on how SHE WORKS EVERY DAY and all this shit how I wake up after 11am every day and I don't work and I don't do anything and I'm lazy and she needs to wake up early and we were being too loud and blah blah blahhhh really defensive and shit. So I killed her with kindness. I was sweet as pie to that bitch and asked her why she just didn't knock on the door and ask me to quiet down?? She had no answer for me. I'm going to ask Tim to talk to Ivan tonight, cause I can't STAND this cunt anymore!! She's beyond rude and I just can't handle her fucking mouth anymore.

So last night was UNO night and Tim and I won AGAIN! Hahah. Tom and Nicole are really fun people, and I like them a lot. Now, the people who live above me are LOUD. Super fucking loud, all the god damn time. But aparently we were being TOO LOUD last night because the douche bags started banging on the floor with a pot or something? Honestly? We were PLAYING CARDS! No one was drinking! We were sitting at a table playing cards. They are seriously in-fucking-sane. Too bad I love my apartment soooooo much. Fucking annoying as hell though, they ALWAYS have shit to bitch about.

ONE TIME omfg Tim and I were pissed as hell, but were laughing so hard. We were in the apartment the ENTIRE NIGHT and when we go outside, we go straight out the door. Aparently, our dog opened the door, went upstairs, shit in the garage, and their kid stepped in it. They left us a ridiculous note. LOL WHAT? It was literally impossible for our dog to shit in the garage. IMPOSSIBLE! They are seriously nuts-o.

I'm trying to get Jaelei into pre-school but the lady didn't call me back yet. Jaelei dropped my phone yesterday and BROKE IT. My brand new beautiful phone : ( I'm taking it to the apple store today to hopefully get it fixed/replaced.


Nvm the pre-school is full. UGH.


I'm also going to Tevana today to hopefully start drinking more tea. This whole waking up earlier thing is NOT working. Booooo. However, I've worked out every day since I got my elliptical! I've been adding one more minute to my work out per day! :D 

Long time no update. I really, really need to do this more

• FINALLY got my period back. I'm actively trying to get pregnant and I'm doing ovulation strips and shit like that. I kinda hate it becuase it makes me feel like I HAVE to have sex, and then the sex sucks. And then I'm THINKING ABOUT getting pregnant, but it never works, obviously haha.
• I've been wanting an elliptical for a long time, but I haven't found any that I liked. Tim surprised me and bought me a new one from Walmart, but it sucked. It really sucked. We went out to eat the other night at Bone Fish and right next door was an exersize machine store, with ellipticals. We went in, and there were machines from $500, all the way up to $8,000. FUCK THAT, for $8,000, I'll get lypo. Anyway, I tried all the machines, and found one I liked, but there was no price on it. I asked the dude how much it was and he had to call the owner to find out. APARENTLY, it was a "give away".  As in for free. I just had to pay $100 delivery charge, even though we brought it home ourselves. SCORE! It's a Nordictrack too :) 
• Katrina babysat Jaelei the other night and I can FINALLY say we have FOUND a sitter. She is such a sweet kid, cheap, and most importantly, Jaelei ADORES her.
• I've started using my Moleskine again, thank G_d. Seriously, I've been doing much more already.
• I went thrifting yesterday for the first time in MONTHS, and I got some great stuff. However, aparently because it was Colombus day everything was 50% off.  I had to leave the store in Plainfield because people were literally SHOVING to get to shit. However, at the one in Watchung, I got some great stuff. I got about 4 pairs of jeans, a HUGE MIRROR for $12 and a whole bunch of other shit. I was on a shopping high haha.
• SO, because of this, I put on my facebook "Fuck Colombus Day!!" Kathy felt it was nessassary to open her fat fucking mouth and say: REAL NICE. Fuck you cunt. It's my facebook, you ADDED ME, and she is constantly making nasty comments about my language. She never comments anything positive, or asks how I am, never ever asked about my surgery or how I was afterwards. So I said this: ""Ya know? The ONLY TIME you ever comment on my page is to complain or say something nasty. You do not include my family in anything including your family, we are never included or invited to anything, and you never just message me to say hi, nothing. I'm so over it, and I'll gladly just delete you from my friends list so you don't have to read my posts anymore!! :D"" Fuck his entire family man, for real.
• Tim and I have been ok. I still think he's cheating, but I have ZERO PROOF, and he can always send me pics of where he's at with his coworkers. So I thought that he would take the pics in advance, so I would tell him like...Stick two fingers up your nose and stand on one leg with Coworker, and send it to me. Every time he did it. Maybe I'm wrong this time, I hope so!
• Nicole and Tom are coming over tonight to play UNO again, it's a lot of fun :) Sandy, I just honest to G_d don't want to even be her friend anymore, IDK why I am! We all went to the bar the other night and  I wanted to drink, so Nicole would drive because 'she is the best with a few drinks in her". WHAT SANDY? How the fuck is this sober driver? SO I ended up driving, AGAIN. We go out, I drink water the entire night, not iced tea, nothing just water. We get $6 nachos, 1/2 priced down to $3. We all split the bill. (Nicole had 3 margaritas, sandy had 5 Vodka/Crans. WHY THE FUCK, did I pay $15? I'm such an asshole, no idea why the fuck I did that.
• Paperbackswap.com has been AMAZING. I have sent out a million books and I've had like 46 credits, but I ordered a bunch of books last night. I love that web site. Lemme know if anyone is going to check it out and I'll give you my name so you can use me as a refferal :)

I really have to go put everything away and get ready for tonight, and put away all my shit from thrifting! Nicole wants to come with me next week, so that should be fun :) 

Jason and Sandy are getting a divorce. It's been a rough few days. I'll update more later.

Just made these tonight :)

• 2 big bananas, mashed
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup oil
• 1 cup sour milk or yogurt or buttermilk (powdered is fine)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 cups all-purpose or whole wheat flour or a combination

Peel the bananas and plop them into a big bowl. Use a whisk to mash them until they are almost liquid. Add the sugar and oil. Beat until the mixture is somewhat smooth and fluffy. Add the yogurt or buttermilk and salt, mixing again. Finally measure in the baking powder and flour. Stir it all up until all of the dry particles are nicely moistened, but the batter is still lumpy. Don’t mix it smooth, muffins need lumps to give them their characteristic texture. Oil up a dozen muffin cups. Drop the batter into the cups, filling them up about 2/3 full. This recipe makes a few more than a dozen, maybe 15 grand total. Usually I use a 12-cup muffin pan and the make a couple of extra big muffins in custard cups. Use the resources available to you to figure this out best for your own circumstances. Bake the muffins at 400° for about 20 minutes. Remove from the oven and cool for a few minutes before removing from the pans. Serve with margarine or peanut butter or red jelly.


I added Chocolate Chips, no nuts, and used vanilla yogurt. These.Are.Delicious. I only put in 1/2 cup of chocolate chips, but next time I think I'll use 3/4 cup. Soooo good!!!! I'd def. reccomend these. I also used 4 smaller bananas instead of 2 big ones...that probably made them a little more banana-ish, but in a good way :)
 

I really love my husband a lot. I talked to my mom today about the concert that they all went to last night and all my mom kept talking about was how nice it was to see him there. My mom said he really really enjoyed himself and got into the music and truly had a great time. Aparently a drunken girl went up to him and was flirting with him and Timmy just shook his head and walked away. He went to get an outfit before the concert because all he had was work clothes, and he looked really cute when he got home. I just love him so much, and I am so happy that he went and had a great time. Last night he was falling asleep, and I thought that he was asleep, but he wasn't. He grabbed my hand and said, " I love you baby girl. You are my best friend ever."  Cheezy?? Absolutely. However, Tim never, ever opens up with his emotions or anything like that, so when he says things like that it really makes me so happy. He tells me he loves me like 100000x a day, but not like he said it last night. I really love him <3

What a fucking day.

I go to Sandy's for a few hours, then I come home to let the dogs out really fast, and I look across the street, and Jonathan in there with Pete. I pretty much shit my pants at this point, because I don't trust Pete at all. He saw me come, and then leave, and I'm afraid that he's going to break into the house at this point. So I call Tim and ask what to to, and he tells me to not do anything, he will handle it. I tell Sandy, and she's basically like...oh shit. She tells me to go back in like 10 minutes to see if they are still there or what. So I do. And the first thing I see is police lights and cop cars. Again, I shit my pants because I'm like OMG they broke into the house, etc. etc. I walk up and I see they aren't at my house, but across the street, and Jonathan is handcuffed to a bench, and Pete is no where in sight. So I look, and he waves at me, and I'm like "Are you alright??" and he just gives me a thumbs up. I call Sandy, tell her to call her dad NOW and tell him that he's handcuffed etc. etc. and I'll be right over there. On the way back (less than a 2 minute drive--literally) Jonathan calls me and tells me NOT to call Dan or Sherri, that everything is fine, they are just looking for Pete. Too Late. Sandy already called. So he goes home and says basically that I called the cops to get him arrested and shit, which NEVER happened. Obviously. Sherri and Danny believe him. So I call Timmy again and tell him what happened. Turns out that he told Mikey what happened, and Mikey's brother in law is a cop in Manville, so he called his BIL and told him to go over there and see WTF is going on. So that is how the cops get there.

Now I'm just fucking scared that Pete will do something stupid. I talked to Melissa to update the situation with him and she basically told me that he's broken into houses, and has had guns in the past, so I'm thinking of going to the police now, because I'm honestly scared. He knows where I live, and I have a baby, and I'm not fucking playing games.

Tim went to a concert tonight with my mom and Dennis called Cruefest2. He was super excited to go because it its literally all bands that he LOVES. I'm really happy that he got to go, and he didn't even have to pay for the ticket because Dennis won 'em. We had really great sex last night too. I discovered that I pretty much sound like a dying seal when I have an orgasm last night. Which was fucking HORRIFYING. It's 11pm now and the concert isn't even over yet, so I hope that Timmy doesn't get home too late!!

Today I made Chicken and Dumplings for dinner. Super easy, and one of Tim's favorites. Had Jeffrey, Dennis, and Mom over for dinner, and I also made brownies. I had a really nice time and I'm glad that they came. I miss my brother a lot, I'm really worried about him with his potential substance abuse, and my mom's history. Her 90 sober days are coming up, and while I'm excited, I'm also super nervous for her. I'm just going to keep on being supportive. I think my mom will end up marrying Dennis. I like this dude a lot, which says a lot cause I really don't like anyone HAHA. Dennis asked Timmy to go to Cruefest with him, and I really hope that Tim gets to go, because he LOVES all the bands that will be there. I told Sandy I'd come over tomorrow, but I really do not want to.

I'm really fucking annoyed at the bitch upstairs. I live in a two family house, and she owns the upstairs with her husband. When we moved in, she asked that I not do laundry on Saturday's cause that's when she does it, so I don't do laundry the whole weekend just to be polite. So today, MONDAY, I go up at 9am to put a load in, and the fucking washer is full of water. Just water. So I wait 3 hours till 12 to go up to see wtf the deal is, and there is STILL WATER IN IT. WTF? So I drain it, and put my laundry in. 10 minutes later she's knocking at my door telling me she needs to talk to me about the laundry because "I do laundry every day" (WTF NO?) and she needs it two days a week. I said ok, Saturdays right? And she goes NO, I need Monday's and Fridays. So I say ok, go to shut the door, and she goes, OH AND MY MOM NEEDS Thursdays and Sundays. WTF?? I'm super fucking annoyed at this point. So I get Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Saturdays? What if that doesn't work for me? She's just RUDE and I fucking hate her.

Since I had the negative pregnancy test yesteday, Tim and I had sex last night, but I was just totally not into it, and we both agreed it was just awful sex. Totally awful. Hopefully tonight will be better.

I'm exhausted. Hopefully more attempts at baby making tonight :)

I made these yesterday, No Bake Cookies.

Recipe:
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup cocoa
pinch of salt
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup butter
3 cups oatmeal

1
Combine sugar, cocoa, milk and butter in a large saucepan over medium heat.
2
Cook until the mixture starts to boil and cook for 1 minute.
3
Add vanilla, salt, peanut butter and oatmeal and quickly stir until combined.
4
Drop teaspoons onto parchment paper and let cool.

They were OKAY. They were EXTREMELY oatmealy, and the texture of them wasn't that great overall. I'd made these if I had all the ingredients on hand and needed something in a pinch to satisfy a Peanutbutter/Chocolate craving, but I wouldn't go out and make specifically these. They were really fast to make too.


RATING: 2/5